break my arms around the one i love.
i feel bad for 5’11 boys like u were so close. u almost made it.
I’ll eat you up I love you so.
Careful, honey, it’s loaded,” he said, reentering the bedroom.
Her back rested against the headboard. “This for your wife?”
“No. Too chancy. I’m hiring a professional.”
“How about me?”
He smirked. “Cute. But who’d be dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?”
She wet her lips, sighting along the barrel.
"Bedtime Story", Jeffrey Whitmore (via arbryna)
i have a whole anthology of stories in 50 words or less, and this one’s in there!
i was born in the right decade. the decade of the selfie and googling the answers to hard problems.
guys: fight each other all the time
girls: support each other and share hand cream
Lol no. Girls are bitches to each other more often than not. If it isn’t to your face it’s behind your back.maybe they are mean to you only. everybody in my group is supportive and we share hand cream.
1. My favorite color is blue.
2. I once got lost running in my own neighborhood.
3. I’ve been hit by a car while riding my bike.
4. MIA’s “YALA” is the only song I’ve listened to today.
5. I have never had a romantic relationship last more than three months.
I had that conversation once with Lorne Michaels. He says the thing you’re known for will be in quotes in the middle of your name. He’s Lorne “SNL" Michaels, and I’m Andy "Dick in a Box" Samberg. If that’s how it goes down, that will be A-okay.
This is an hilarious video.